Ink again

The unthinkable happened: I pretty much gave up writing. For almost a year. I had a writing job but that was different- I wrote what the school told me to write. But I couldn't write what was in my heart. My pen was toxic. Everything I wrote dark ravings. Despair. My heart was in dire need of some reviving. 

I took a year off to get back in step with the Lord. I'd forgotten that dance. After a few years of depression and sameness, I needed a year off to live. I think I'll refer to 2014 as my 'spontaneous year' as I never knew what was happening next. 

I fell in love with God and with the life He gave me again. And love makes you do crazy things you could never do alone. Like suddenly becoming heavily entrenched in ministry on my secular campus. The girl who hates attention standing up to fiery darts and criticisms and dealing with life as 'the Jesus girl' but somehow loving every minute of it and reaching others in spite of it. Like befriending someone I never imagined I would- and having the unfathomable opportunity of introducing them to Jesus. Like hugging a crying stranger. Girl terrified of awkward social situations, taking the time to listen to the pain and to pray. 

Simple things too. Like allowing myself have fun again. Like playing in mud, and holding an alligator, and riding a roller coaster by myself (I don't think I can make it clear to you how huge this was for me!! XD), or daring to go on a spontaneous road trip, and flying by myself for the first time, and heading back to California to restrengthen old friendships, romp in Disneyland like a child, and face old fears and bitter memories. 

Last year I also graduated from my community college. And God thrust shut every door to my dream university and opened doors like crazy for me to go to the last school on earth I intended to go to. But now I can't imagine myself anywhere else. 

And God dropped new dreams in my life. Better dreams. Crazy better dreams. Dreams I get to live by His side every day. 

And I'm writing again. Heart revived. 

The wonderful thing about life is sometimes God's dreams are crazy more wonderful than yours. I would not have imagined any of this for myself- but my old imaginings pale in comparison. 

This way of living is exhilarating. I have no idea where I'm going next. But I know it's better than the story I have written in my head. The King of the Universe is writing it, after all.