Seeing the Beauty

This gorgeous rendition is about all that's getting me through finals.

Good luck to anyone else facing finals. Spring dwindles into a twilight and the luscious dawn of summer drifts ever nearer! ;)

Ink again

The unthinkable happened: I pretty much gave up writing. For almost a year. I had a writing job but that was different- I wrote what the school told me to write. But I couldn't write what was in my heart. My pen was toxic. Everything I wrote dark ravings. Despair. My heart was in dire need of some reviving. 

I took a year off to get back in step with the Lord. I'd forgotten that dance. After a few years of depression and sameness, I needed a year off to live. I think I'll refer to 2014 as my 'spontaneous year' as I never knew what was happening next. 

I fell in love with God and with the life He gave me again. And love makes you do crazy things you could never do alone. Like suddenly becoming heavily entrenched in ministry on my secular campus. The girl who hates attention standing up to fiery darts and criticisms and dealing with life as 'the Jesus girl' but somehow loving every minute of it and reaching others in spite of it. Like befriending someone I never imagined I would- and having the unfathomable opportunity of introducing them to Jesus. Like hugging a crying stranger. Girl terrified of awkward social situations, taking the time to listen to the pain and to pray. 

Simple things too. Like allowing myself have fun again. Like playing in mud, and holding an alligator, and riding a roller coaster by myself (I don't think I can make it clear to you how huge this was for me!! XD), or daring to go on a spontaneous road trip, and flying by myself for the first time, and heading back to California to restrengthen old friendships, romp in Disneyland like a child, and face old fears and bitter memories. 

Last year I also graduated from my community college. And God thrust shut every door to my dream university and opened doors like crazy for me to go to the last school on earth I intended to go to. But now I can't imagine myself anywhere else. 

And God dropped new dreams in my life. Better dreams. Crazy better dreams. Dreams I get to live by His side every day. 

And I'm writing again. Heart revived. 

The wonderful thing about life is sometimes God's dreams are crazy more wonderful than yours. I would not have imagined any of this for myself- but my old imaginings pale in comparison. 

This way of living is exhilarating. I have no idea where I'm going next. But I know it's better than the story I have written in my head. The King of the Universe is writing it, after all. 

Of Our Savior and His Gandalf-Like Tendencies

Photo courtesy of this place.

"“Frankly, if you’re really not interested in adventures, it’s wise to hide when you see Jesus coming. He has Gandalf-like tendencies that are really quite alarming. “Follow me,” he says “Take nothing for your journey. Go the extra mile. Why do you worry about what you will eat or what you will wear? Seek first God’s kingdom.” These are not safe words. At the very least, they could “make you late for dinner.” In fact, they might mean you don’t get any dinner at all… in this moment, in this hour, you are being called to walk with Jesus. The question is, will you go?” 

-Sarah Arthur"

You're a Snowflake

I've been away a long while now, I know. But this long time away from the blogsphere has been one long grace-filled adventure, much of which I can't wait to share. 

But let me tell you of yesterday.

Yesterday, I woke to a frigid white world, and to a dire lack of desire to go to school. The last day before Thanksgiving break is always ridiculously difficult. 

Yet to the car I trudged, through the glittering, achy cold. And once inside, I paused.

Marveled. 

Couldn't believe my eyes. 

Tangled in my hair was a series of perfect snowflakes. Intricate works of lacy perfection. Just... indescribably incredible. The snowflake in this purple picture is a real, live, close-up snowflake. They were like that, only so real, so tangible. 

And they were so small. 

I've heard it, like everyone's heard it. No two snowflakes are alike. 

No two snowflakes? 

We drove past fields, were sun was breaking through, dusting the glittery earth with light. There were blankets of snow, far as the eyes could see. And all of that was composed of trillions of miniscule, complex flakes, all of them hand-crafted by the God of the universe, and unique? 

How can anyone in the universe not look at a snowflake and think, Good heavens above, there must be a God.  

And all I could do was marvel. Dumbfounded. How we are loved!

I haven't gotten over it, the lesson of the snowflakes. Marvel, I'd call it. All today, in all the little things, all I could think was: snowflakes! He is real! He cares! He is in all the little things! He loves me! He loves me enough to even make snowflakes for me, and for all of us! And if He made every snowflake special, He's made every one of us a trillion times more special!

If the King of Creation takes time on every elaborate little snowflake, how much more is he working on you? Fashioning a magical work of art in you, your life, your testimony, your gifts? 

So much in such a miniscule fray of creation. 

So in love with the maker of snowflakes. 

Good night, all you glittery glimpses of His glory!
-Rachel 

Where I've Been?

Gotta be brief. Gotta finish some work. 

Where HAVE I been? 

Well, praying Anything and getting answers (so sorry I haven't posted for discussion the last two weeks-- I have literally been swept away). Loving this song by Sarah Reeves: "Purify, refine, shape me I pray! Wreck me for your glory. You can interrupt my day!" 

Several times, as I've sung this, crazy things have happened immediately after. Like the early morning phone call, "I'm literally on the side of the road and have no one to call..." and God bringing to my mind just the right person with a car to pick them up and encourage them. Like bringing food to our church's family with a precious newborn. Or spending time with the pastor's wife (a wife barely older than myself) to build each other up. Or running into a plethora of people I know at the library, just to smile at and bless them and encourage those who are down, tell one going into surgery that I'm praying for you. 

 Like the opportunity to make dinner for the family I babysit for while a million or so children (three, but it becomes a million when they run fast) are shrieking and playing, and to sweep, and do dishes, and have a relaxing home ready for their parents when they get off of work. Or to serve five teenage boys running around my house because 'it has air conditioning.' And being cheerful when 'air conditioning' breaks, and enduring with those five teenage boys who are still around, and keeping the refrigerator stocked with Popsicles for them. It's also meant daring to start up my little Premade Book Cover page, like I've been too terrified of 'not being good enough' to do. It's also letting go when there's no immediate income. 

And today it was giving a soft answer and forgiveness to someone who had hurt me previously, and watching God turn away wrath. And it was seeing God do a complete turnaround and hearing this man (who has been harsh to me all semester) say, "I won't call you Teacher's Pet and stuff anymore. And I'm sorry I've been disrespectful to you." 

And all of these little things are big anythings when you are exhausted, and have a million and more homework assignments, and isn't summer time for downtime? 

But I'm learning that sometimes anything is withdrawing for downtime. And sometimes anything is prayer and Bible reading and journaling and delicious green tea on cool twilights with contemplation. 

And God has been here, and it has been good. All glory, for all of these little divine appointments, and all of the strength for these anythings, all to him! Always hold close to heart, faithful in little, faithful in much. So if you are as busy as I am-- know my prayers are with you! And if maybe you're sitting around bored, stifled with a not-so-grand summer, I'm praying for you as well!